failing-words: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
moltres: overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
My memory loves you; it asks about you all the time.– Jonathan Carroll (via a-cious)
Shout out to the stomach flu for helping me lose seven pounds in two days!
bitcorn: just saw a guy wearing a nirvana t-shirt lmfao i bet cant even name three noble truths of buddhism
I’ve been facebook stalking someone forever even though his pictures are dumb and nothing he posts is interesting but I still keep stalking and I think that means that he’s the one.
Me: *sits in towel for 6 months after showering*
sunshineface0014: assbutt-in-the-garrison: I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem You can’t even see your problem
pizzaforpresident: babyb0nez666: assistantt0theregionalmanager: pizzaforpresident: I’ve never met a smart person named Ashley I have a friend named Ashley and one time she took the fish eggs from the top of her sushi and put them in a glass of water because she thought they would hatch my names ashley…. lol my apologies, babyb0nez666
the ridiculous thing is that i’m pretty smart but at the same time i manage to be the dumbest person alive
tsarbucks: slydig: dont be mean be median or mode
canadianslut: I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this